We live in community at a Monastery in Utah; it is not like what you may think, however. It is very spontaneous and we follow only two guidelines: No People-Pleasing and No Private Thoughts. In this honesty, we allow our resistances to come up and be released. This stops us from taking things so seriously and we become more creative, playful. The creative impulse born out of this is the “miracle-mind,” and miracles are collaborative.
People-Pleasing
Healing People-Pleasing
There’s a strain and internal conflict in the mind when you try to live up to people’s standards. Beyond pleasing the people around you, there is a people-pleasing the “people” that you believe you are. The conflict comes from trying to meet the standard of the ideal person you believe you should be. You cannot simply change the form of your behavior when psychologically and emotionally you have not reached that point of change. Instead, be spontaneous and authentic until you have purification of mind, where everything comes together into integrity. David shares about his own experiences releasing emotions, mourning, and facing the darkness. When joining with others, whether it is a community of two or a larger group, there is more temptation for ego sabotage and flare-ups; and along with that, an opportunity for much deeper healing.
Holy Zombie!
The EGO is the walking dead; it is the fear of the life of miracles. The ego is the definition of the walking dead. But there is a lot of vitality and energy when you are not in conflict and anxiety. It’s not monotonous or boring to be in Spirit. Instead of “raising the dead,” however, David gave people in hospice the permission to pass on. If you are aware of the unlimited nature of life, there’s no sadness. People are your thoughts made manifest. The construct of family was made in guilt. Let the family go—and they will come back reborn.
True Empathy
True Empathy is staying with the Christ, with what is real and true, regardless of the form or circumstance. David Hoffmeister shares about a life experience using true empathy while visiting a dying man in a Catholic home. This was not the David character speaking but instead, the experience of giving himself over for the Holy Spirit’s purposes in an uncompromising way. The ego and its thick layers of people-pleasing covers over the small, little self.
Transform Your Mind into Wholeness
Transform your mind. Give away the filter that is in place that is specialness. Specialness is the desire to get. It is the ego’s lens of seeing the world. Without this filter, you transform your mind into holiness; wholeness. The mind that believes it is separate is not satisfied with its self-image, so it wants to get more. The separate self wants to improve. It is constantly seeking and investing energy and time, and then feeling unsatisfied.
Allowing the Shadow Up
By allowing the shadow, or egoic defense mechanisms, to arise in awareness, we have a quick inroad to where true healing can begin. Through our uncompromising focus on what is arising in awareness, the Holy Spirit can use what we give Him, no matter how counterintuitive it feels.
Join in the Miracle
You can join in the miracle with every character you perceive in your life. Everything is mind; your own consciousness. It’s just like if this was a movie and it was all for you. As you begin to really question who you are, your self-doubt thoughts are reflected in the world. Notice where you have fear arise and notice the beliefs you are holding. Once you see that it is all the same, that it is one big skit in your mind, joy and playfulness come in. All the characters are reflections of your mind. It’s all one mind. Call on the miracle. Accept the all-inclusive power of your mind.
Interview with David Hoffmeister
In this interview with Lesley Kelly, David Hoffmeister speaks on the topics of guidance, trust, relationships, sexuality, people-pleasing, and inspiration.
Stop People-Pleasing, Reduce Stress and Worry
Stop people-pleasing and you will feel how wonderful life can really be. The people-pleasing defense mechanism is subtle, insidious, and heavily engrained. You’ve been raised with the belief that people-pleasing is good—please your boss, your spouse, your children, etc. Meanwhile, people have all of these underlying currents of conflicts inside. Acknowledge your feelings! Let Spirit give you your yes’s and no’s, and say what you need to say.
No Private Thoughts and Emotions
There are no private thoughts. Any thoughts that you believe are private are not real. They are meaningless. ACIM daily lessons ask you to practice this early on in your training with lesson eight, “my mind is preoccupied with past thoughts,” and ten, “my thoughts do not mean anything.” The first step in healing is to let all of the emotions up, whether you label them bad or good. Talk about them. Imagine how much faster your relationships would heal if you were open to sharing your emotions. It’s the fastest way to undo the egoic people-pleasing pattern!