The context of all relationships is egoic. All relationships start special. The Spirit can work with all things. The Holy Spirit uses your special relationships and when truth is reintroduced into them, they are used to purify the mind.
Expectations
Romantic Relationships vs. Holy Relationships
When we try to compare romantic relationships vs. holy relationships, we have to be willing to expose everything and be true to ourselves. Romantic relationships are based on mutual need-fulfillment, on the “getting” mechanism. It keeps us in a closed state of mind, cut off from the greater love. Holy relationships are undefined, guided, and collaborative. Personal differences are set aside. They are dedicated to a higher purpose and are intensely joyful.
Relationship of Past or Holy Instant
David Hoffmeister explains that true relationship has no past. The ego looks at relationships as a way to “trade up” and get a better “deal.” What a gift it is to meet someone for the first time and to be joined in the holy instant.
Expectations in Relationships
Expectations in relationships can block us from the truth. Relationships mirror your consciousness; they are based on desire and future expectations. When these expectations, such as the desire for companionship, are not met, we feel discomfort. The journey to peace is a journey into consciousness in which layers of expectations and beliefs are uncovered and exposed. As we feel, and look closely at, our discomfort, we can come to see that guilt runs deep beneath it. The way to find completion is to find and follow your inner calling.
Reading Meaning into Form
Reading meaning into form can be a huge block to love’s presence. The second lesson in “A Course in Miracles” is, “I have given everything I see all the meaning it has for me.” (W-2) The ego reads different meanings into everything and judges certain things as good or worthy and others as bad or unworthy. To the Holy Spirit all things are the same because they’re all used for the same purpose: forgiveness! Jesus teaches us that everything is of the mind. By tracing our perception of the world back into the beliefs we hold about it, we can see that we’ve got it all backwards and we really don’t know what anything is for without the Holy Spirit’s vision.
Outgrowing the Familiar
Just like a child outgrows a favorite toy, as you move towards Awakening you are outgrowing the familiar. Everything is totally brand new! There is a sense of wonder. David shares his experience of how wonderful it is to not be sentimental, to not have an expectation. As soon as the mind clicks into the familiar, it is as if the mind knows something, and you don’t question the world. The agony of outgrowing the familiar brings openness, a freedom from conclusions, and joy.
Remove the Obstacles to Love’s Presence
We must approach Truth through negation, not directly. We discover what it is not. Affirmations have their place but we must remove the obstacles to love’s presence. The ego uses the world to make “effects” to hide the Truth. But these effects have no real source and therefore they are not actual or real. Relationships can be fun with this purpose: uncovering the errors that hide our true nature. Hurray for everything that helps expose the ego in its deception! No private thoughts—can you dig it?
It’s Easy to Love and Hard to Hate
It is easy to love and it is hard to hate. Explore this ACIM healing reminder: Love is your resting state, while hate takes effort. You have to actually judge, which is not in your nature, in order to hate. Love is natural. It is who you are. Therefore, all situations can only have one outcome: an experience of love. This is why getting married or breaking up is the same thing: a call for love. It is simply a time for healing for everyone involved. It is natural to love in all instances. It’s hard for you to hate or even have a grievance. So you might as well surrender the mind to God by giving up silly human identities.
Defensiveness in Relationships
When defensiveness in relationships arise ask yourself, “What am I defending?” In all cases it’s some aspect of our own self-concept; some aspect or image of what we’ve identified with. The deeper you go into spirituality, you start to realize that however it looks on the screen of the world, you are only ever talking or listening to yourself. The ego feels it is lacking and incomplete, and so it looks at a relationship partner to fill that lack. It thinks it deserves love and it looks for a partner to fulfill that love.
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