When you feel addicted to something in the world, it feels like your actions are the problem. It seems that if you could stop or regulate the behavior, you’d be home free. You’re thoughts say, “I just need to control my behavior. But how?” The main addiction of the mind is judgment. But the mind wasn’t created to judge; it was created to “be.” So trying to control it, on any level, doesn’t work. At some point, you’ll have to do a major mind “overhaul,” and look at all thoughts about cause and effect.
At times it feels as though we have an addiction to our repeating life patterns. It can seem like a bad habit—we find ourselves speaking and thinking in a certain pattern over and over. We have an addiction to a repeating story. Healing has to go beyond the stories that you make up about yourself and others. In reading “A Course in Miracles,” one realizes that intimacy goes much deeper than the stories. Stories are often used to get attention, for control, pride, or to feel better than others. You can let go of the old purpose for telling the story and find a new purpose for using words.
Relationships can help you face your rage. When you see the relationship in this way, you can actually feel gratitude. You can move quickly to the reinterpretation when you stop hiding and repressing. Instead of backing away, say “thank you” for the acceleration! The Holy Spirit will use symbols in your perception to help you face your rage, anger, and hatred. Symbols are any images that you see: other people, objects, or your own body. The Spirit is using the symbols that you made to help you get in touch with the what was pushed out of awareness.
What is all this rage about? The rage that comes up when we really seriously begin our mind-watching is not personal. It is the collective ego raising its ugly head in its last defense against God; against Truth. You can let all that self-hatred up and it will not kill you! Let all that rage up and see what’s underneath. Surprisingly, Light and Love is the aftermath of uncovering all this rage that seems so overwhelming at first.
David is asked about what to do with the feelings of rage. When you encounter a feelings of rage inside, what can you do? David Hoffmeister shares that in his experience, people on the spiritual journey can shift quickly from expressing rage to laughing out loud. Laughter and rage cannot be in the same mind. So where can the rage be? When you flip into the higher perspective the very thing you were angry about is hilarious! Love is all that there is. When you experience that consistently, it radiates from you. Love, like laughter, is contagious.
In high school I experienced a lot of denial and repression. This had to be removed before I could feel my feelings. Although we were created in love, when we identify with the ego, we experience its feelings. As we peel away emotions, we encounter the ego’s rage. I went off into hermitage experiences to allow that rage to come up and to face it. During that phase I felt the trees and rocks could handle my anger better than people.
Attack thoughts are kept as long as a distinction is made between the inner emotional world and the external world. The ego sees a big difference between being the victim and being the attacker. It asks who’s right and who’s wrong; who deserves forgiveness? But the ego itself is the attack thought. Nothing out in the world can alleviate your upset. If you see that victim and victimizer are the same, then you’ll be ready to let attack go. You must look at the nonspecific anger in your mind, get in touch with it and bring it up. It’s not pretty, but Spirit can handle it. Then you want to let it go.